tea-partying through tornadoes

followup

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:14:45 GMT

from @j1:

Brad:

Going to ask this once nicely

Please take down your post on your live journal site. I haven't read it and don't intend to. It has made Julie upset, and you really have no business either involving her in your disagreement or posting personal information about the two of us on the web.

I hope you do the right thing and take it down.

Jim

from me:

lol sorry that your wife knows what a crybaby you are lol

from @j1:

Brad:

Sorry you are a jerk. Don't have anything else to say to you. I've defended you many times to many people. Guess you don't get that.

I hope your anger and insults are all worth it. For the three people who might read it, I don't care. Not sure why you have to try and lash out at people that had part in this at all. up to you obviously.

enjoy what little life you have and the satisfaction that comes from that.

jim

from me:

P.S. next time you decide to act like an asshole on the internet keep in mind everything lasts forever.

from @j1:

I responded privately Brad, if you look at the transcript. You are the one that was a complete asshole in public. Sorry I stooped to your level.

from me:

Yeah, I'm the jerk. All my LJ does it quote your persistent insults directed at me after I made a harmless joke. I doubt your wife is upset at ME.

Maybe you should take the high road and apologize to everyone affected by your foolish actions. I'm not a jerk.

How about you step up and get yourself some sort of job so you can stop bellyaching about emasculated you are? Then I wouldn't have had anything to make a joke about in the first place. I hear Taco Bell as a high turnover rate. You could be manager within months!

I was just being a friend, always have been, until you started trying to assassinate my character

from @j1:

Brad:

I could really care less about what you write about me. Really. Again, i haven't read it, and am not going to.

I ask only because it has upset my spouse, and Julie wasn't involved in any interaction yesterday between us. You appear to just want to lash out and hurt people regardless of guilt or innocence or even involvement. I am not sure why you are trying to hurt her. What has Julie ever done to you?

Like I said I have always defended you to other people on twitter, and look where that has gotten me. Again, you need to learn what a friend is.
BTW- You might want to go ahead and sell your name. you wouldn't want to use that publicly now...you have become a bully.

I have nothing to apologize to you about. I didn't say anything remotely nasty publicly to you, until you continued to insult me publicly on twitter. It is really not your place to comment on how I raise my kids. You know so much about raising kids don't you?

Please learn when to have a private conversation, and when to spill your guts for the world to get sick over. Unfortunately, I let me anger get the best of me yesterday and stooped to the level of responding publicly to you. I believe you are the one that posts your unfortunate life on the web, and wants to drag personal information into it. Have I ever posted anything about your daughter?

It isn't your role in my life or my families life to offer job advice Brad. Shall I offer you job advice? Have I ever criticized you for anything publicly?
You don't know what being a friend is...stoner acquaintance maybe you have down.

If it makes you feel better, vomit up some more garbage and put it all over the web. It isn't me that is going to be hurt by this. you just don't have that kind of power over me. I place the responsibility squarely in your court to do the right thing. I know you have it in you when you look in your heart. Just not sure you have it in you to do. thanks for being a true friend brad.

Jim

from me:

Just for the entertainment factor I'll respond to this...

1.) I don't write anything about you except to quote what you and
Shelly said to me. If there's something negative in what I say it's
only because I'm describing your actions.

2.) I did not upset your spouse. I never did anything to upset your
spouse and never had any intention of bringing her into it (in fact I
removed her from my twitter). Julie has never done anything to me and
I did nothing to "bring her into" this. If your wife is upset it is
because YOU upset her by behaving like a petulant child after I made a
harmless joke, to reiterate again and again.

3.) Thanks for the defense, I appreciate it. I don't think I've become
a bully, since I never said anything to insult you, even after you
began insulting me.

4.) I don't think I have EVER commented on how you raise your kids. If
you can show me where I brought your children into it then I'd
appreciate it and I will apologize. I appreciate the dig on child
rearing. Real classy.

5.) Nothing on the internet is private. Stop being silly. The only
reason your responses are 'private' is because you DELETED them.
Again, I appreciate the "unfortunate life" dig. All class, you are.

6.) I only offer job advice because you seem to be having emotional
problems as a result of your unemployment. Maybe you need some tough
love to stiffen up your fragile ego? As an aside, I know what friends
are... and friends don't fly off the handle and start shouting "fuck
you" across the internet in response to a tiny joke.

7.) This one really gets me. I'll do what's right? I'm already doing
what's right, I'm trying to point out where you went wrong so you can
prevent it from happening again in your life. It's important that
everyone who cares about you see this, so they know who you really
are---a scared little man who relies on passive aggressive insults and
tantrums in order to deal with... what? What are you dealing with? I
said you'd look cute in an apron and it's turned into some huge
flamewar. Who is to blame for this? Me? Because I said you'd like cute
in an apron?

from me:

p.s. all your bullshit here is winding up on the internet for your
wife to read if you even care at all at this point about what she
thinks of you. http://amiantos.livejournal.com/30621.html

don't you know that the only people who try to hide the truth are
those who are scared of it? do you not recognize what a coward you
are?

i have nothing to hide. what about you? what else are you hiding?

from @j1:

post if where you like, Brad, I don't have the need to...remind people you started the public discourse on this, and I responded privately to you, and that you made it public.

I am fine with letting people make up their own minds, as if people don't have better things to do.

thanks,
jim

from @j1:

Brad - Sorry I've upset you so much. I do apologize for that. Please don't message me again.

Sincerely,
Jim

(I really like how he turned to proper grammar and capitalization for this last one, as if someone else (@1sjc?) wrote it for him and he copy-pasted it into the email box.)

anatomy of a twitter flame war

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:37:20 GMT

So I was sitting on twitter at work like I normally do and my friend @J1, a 51 year old man who lives in Portland with his wife (@Phenobarb) and two daughters (who I follow as well) posts a tweet (since deleted) saying "reminding my family that being at home doesn't mean housekeeper". (Me and this family have been following each other for 3 years.)

A little back story: @J1 has been unemployed for some time. That's all I know at this point.

So I send an @reply at him saying (and I'm assuming I'm paraphrasing his original tweet wrong 'cause mine doesn't follow it): "@j1 but it probably should be..." 'cause I don't think it's too much for a family to ask for an unemployed dad to help out around the house.

He direct messaged me with "and fuck you too!"

To which I made a little joke, publicly, because I thought we were being playful like Twitter typically is: "@J1 i dunno i think you'd be kinda cute in an apron, pushing a vacuum around..."

The next thing he direct messages me is: "you are a mean mofo. dont show up at my house, as if you would ever leave mamas to begin with...out..."

At which point I'm just kinda like, what? and send this to twitter: "@J1 hey, take it easy, pops, we're all friends here." still trying to be playful (he doesn't like to be called 'pops').

Next thing I get is an instant message from @1sjc, a woman named Shelly who's similarly old (40s or so) and friends with @J1. She says: "maybe you should consider working on your empathy. its an emotion you seem to be in short supply of."

At which point I point out that @j1 has already repeatedly sworn at me and that my comment had nothing to do with a lack of empathy but merely that I thought I was making a joke. She goes on to tell me that I lack understanding and empathy (some more) and that I should sincerely apologize to @J1 for what I said.

This is where my stubbornness comes in and, I swear to you, the only 'wrong' thing I did in any of this. I said there's no way I am going to apologize to @J1 for him deciding that my little joke was instead a great offense and cussing me out. @1sjc keeps telling me I'm wrong and that I don't understand, adding comments like "if you really do take this tact in life - you will grow into a lonely man. just sayin..." and being pretty insulting herself, when all I'm saying is "I made a joke, I don't understand what everyone is flipping out about"

At which point she tells me "Jesus you dont get it do you - hes 51 and white - he aint getting another job. it would be a fucking miracle in this economy, especially in the medical field. the 20 something hispanic chick is getting the jobs hes applying for at 1/2 the pay"

To which I say "I see plenty of old people working at Burger King and Taco Bell..." (and later, in conversation with a friend, he points out: "uh i would get any sort of job, it's better to be UNDERemployed than UNemployed," something I agree with).

She keeps arguing with me about how @j1 has to "swallow his pride" and we have to be "understanding" and yadda yadda and I hold my ground: I'm not going to apologize or be understanding to someone when they take a little joke about an apron so seriously they feel the need to cuss me out, unfollow me, refollow me, and send me hurtful direct messages.

I twitter the following: "Learned today that it's specifically my personal failure (and mine alone) when someone in a bad mood takes a minor joke way too seriously."

and

"I've also learned that throwing a friendship away over an apology is wrong, but throwing one away because of an overreaction is not. Noted."

@j1 sends me: "your a dumb fuck Brad. Grow up and get a fucking clue..." privately.

At this point I'm starting to get pissed off because I don't understand why the fuck everyone is still talking about this and @1sjc keeps hounding me to "sincerely apologize".

I twitter: "@J1 If I had ANY idea you were going to act like a little girl over this I wouldn't have made the joke."

and

"@j1 as it is the sincerest apology I can muster is this: I'm sorry I didn't know you were a fragile little snowflake."

and

"@j1 perhaps when you unmelt/unfuck yourself you'll learn how to take a tiny little couple word joke. hugs and kisses."

@j1 starts publicly twittering things he has since deleted so I can't quote him, but one was "maybe you're too stoned all the time to figure it out" (insult 1) and "my only hope for you is one day you have a family who loves you and cares about you" (insult 2) which I don't get the relevance of at all. He said something else equivalent to "you're a loser" but I don't remember what it was. This whole time he's unfollowing me so I can't direct message him, then refollowing me and direct messaging me shit (which he's since deleted).

I take my usual tact and try to bring attention to his fallacies:

"@J1 i don't really see what that has to do with you blowing a tiny joke out of proportion and responding with 'fuck you fuck you fuck you'"

"@J1 FYI generally personal attacks are the domain of the side that is wrong and fishing for ways to keep fighting. this is #2 from you."

"@J1 if you can tell me how me being a stoner who lives at home & doesnt have a loving family is relevant to yr hurt feelings i'll apologize."

at which point he responds: "it isn't relevant to anything just making a joke. don't ya get it?"

and at this point I'm just hurt and upset.

All I did was make a tiny little fucking joke, and some 51 year old, someone over twice my age, flips the fuck out and starts insulting me and attacking my life... after being twitter friends for 3 years suddenly I'm a loser stoner who no one loves who lives at home and isn't worth shit? what the fuck just happened?

I mean, it's obvious, someone got their panties in a bunch, but still, how ridiculous.

My later rant in the day where I "gave a big fat finger to @1sjc" is related merely in that I thought @1sjc was my friend, but after this episode I realized all her constant badgering me to "better myself" and "stop dicking around" was a lot of judgmental bullshit disguised as 'caring'.

How about you tell your good friend @j1 to 'stop dicking around' and get a fucking job so he can support his family and doesn't have to sit around on the internet all day insulting people who suggest he push a fucking vacuum around.

~fin

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 07:04:19 GMT

Two nights in a row now I've ended the night feeling so ridiculously empty it's disgusting. The thought always begins:

To be honest, I just want it to stop.

I want to stop being aware of how disappointing life is. I want my head to stop being torn between so many different feelings. I wish I didn't regret not having control over myself, something I wish I could help but can't. More than ever I fear I am going to never find myself another woman... not that there won't be women, at this point I accept it (near begrudgingly) as an inevitability, but how much will I like her? Will I spend all my time comparing her to Pauline, a standard so lofty no one could ever measure up to it? Will I think she's awesome, but not be very attracted to her? Will I fuck her and lose interest? Will I bore her to death? What do I do? Who am I?

I'm just the same story over and over. It's beginning to be funny, remembering saying these same things before. In a month or two there will be some woman and the whole thing will start again. I'll have myself another 8 month long relationship (maybe one day I'll have one that lasts longer) where I'll pretend I'm happy (because either I'll be miserably happy or miserably miserable, I got no other settings) for a while and ignore my doubts, and then either the girl will fuck up or I'll freak out and boof, back here we'll be.

Stupid...

Going to try to stick to this avoiding women thing. If I need sex it's a text message away. Let's let my hair grow out, see what happens.

resigned

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:12:36 GMT

Yesterday's staires post was effectively my resignation from the internet. I'm quoting it all here just for simplicity's sake. I've had a nice run (10 years of journaling and blogging, even before the word 'blog' existed to begin with) but it's time for a change.

I live in a world dominated by truthiness. I would elaborate on that but I realized something today, like I seem to every day, that I can’t stand explaining myself anymore. I used to spend so much time just explaining myself to myself (which was “the public” when I had my public journals going for all those years) in the hopes of understanding myself that it’s, well, not at all surprising that I have no idea what is going on.

It’s always been comedy at my expense. (I can’t believe I am typing this all entirely on my G1.) I’ve never minded that fact, because for a long time I believed “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” and “that being entertaining is better than being boring”. I can’t say I ever made any decisions for the express reason that I figured the experience would make for an interesting story, but I’ve certainly used “it’s entertaining” as an excuse retroactively to justify lousy experiences I’ve had.

I’ve used my ability to write publicly on the internet, and the excuse that people actually seem to read it, as a way to cope with and basically absolutely ignore the larger issue at hand, which is that I am a fucking idiot. If I just internalized all my difficulties instead of recording them to the internet and forgetting about them, maybe I’d be less inclined to play into my foolish belief that someone, (be it people on the internet or my friends in real life), anyone, finds it all so fucking interesting.

The truth of the matter is that most of the things I do don’t make any sense. The other truth is that there are some truths that I’ve learned to never reveal, no matter the circumstances. There’s no use explaining myself, because even if I could tell you the whole truth, it still wouldn’t make any sense anyway.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions along the lines of, “How could you possibly have changed so much over the last six weeks?” and for the most part all I can say is: I don’t know. I feel like I woke up to something, something bad that is inside everyone, something that has been sabotaging my life and relationships from day one. The funny thing is when I say it, it seems silly: expectation. People who don’t understand really really don’t understand. People who do? There aren’t many of them.

People think that I like talking about myself, but really I am just scared of conveying the wrong message. The internet is so rife with miscommunication. A simple five word sentence can have a single meaning when spoken aloud, clarity gifted to it by additional context, but when written down, it can take on numerous meanings. Assumptions kill the real meaning out of written word, things we think we know about the writer, things we think we know about the world at large.

There’s no amount of written word that can compare in meaning to the look on a person’s face when they speak to you. When people talk about how text messaging, email, and the internet are killing our ability to function socially, I see now that this is the reason. There are so many arguments I could have avoided, so many opportunities I could not have missed, had I not relied so heavily on the written word. I can write a good sentence, but it’s not going to tell you what I mean.

Of course, we’ve already established that I don’t make any sense anyway. I was told recently that I fall into the ‘artisan’ class of person, which I haven’t done any reading into, but from the sound of what I was told, artisans are ethical and moral shapeshifters. I feel a lot of the time that I am constantly molding and shaping my worldview in order to align it with my emotions and feelings. Cognitive dissonance is not a warning sign that I should change my actions; it’s a sign that I need to change my thinking.

What does any of this mean?

It means that I am tired. I am tired of being misunderstood by other people because I don’t understand myself. I am tired of my reliance upon the attention of others, the internet who watches and nods silently while I ride on my rollercoaster of bullshit, to justify my ridiculous actions. I am tired of sabotaging myself by screaming what I think and feel at the top of my lungs all the time, usually before I am even certain about how I feel. How many times have I quickly reviewed an album only to discover that upon repeated listens, I feel entirely different about it? Way too many times to count, really. Why haven’t I realized this before?

In short, fuck the internet.

I will still be updating staires.org once a day. I don't plan on considering quitting the project until I hit a year, and I figure at that point I'll just keep going because it's fun and every now and then someone thanks me for introducing them to a good song.

See ya later.